Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Journey Begins

Every journey has a start, a reason for doing something, a purpose, and sometimes a journey starts on a lark or a dare, sometimes it is to escape

We also do journey for the good of others, to become heroes, or to be able to say, hey I was there when it was happening, and I know the people who did it.

And sometimes we do the journey for very selfish reasons.

I found out about this journey by being a member of a very brave person's group on a place called Raverly. Meggie has a lot to give, and she is one of the people who sometimes give too much, but at the same time she has guard dogs, people who lover so much they would trade places with her. Some that see what is best for her, though others will sometimes disagree.

But we all need these guard dogs, people whom love us and are strong enough to say no.

But I digress, I am suppose to be talking about why I started this journey.

I did it because I am selfish, I am the one whom no one notices, and because I am the one no one notices I see a great many things. But at the same time I am the one the bully will pick on, so I get a little sensitive at times, and shy away.

The reasons I say I am selfish is the fact that I feel I have nothing to leave behind. I once heard someone say your immortality is your children. My son is autistic, my mortality is gone, and I find myself mortal, and all my dreams of the future gone. So I am kind of grabbing on to the tail of this cape in a sense, a piece of immortality of a sort.

Don't get me wrong, I would do anything for my son, I love him, and he is my world.

But sometimes in the dark of the night fears come and doubts, and decision that could of been made and were not.

But back to the cape...

I want to do it and take it to the fair, and have people say what a great job I did, I want that moment of glory, that moment of fame and being great, I want the spotlight, my five minutes of fame.

I gave up a lot for my son, I haven't dated, or really gone anywhere, and stayed home and took care of my parents, while the rest of my family went along with their lives, so I think I deserve this.

And then I come to my senses, and know this is wrong, and I am doing it because I want to, and also because I am planning some great fantasy while I knit, my mini vacations so to speak.

My fiances are not so great at the moment, so I am buying like two skein a month of the Lion Brand Fisherman, in neutral color, I checked and it will pretty well blend with other neutral colors.

Mostly now it trying to decide which pattern to use, boxes or plain, but I think I am leaning toward boxes.

No comments:

Post a Comment